Does it really feel like in one hour it will be Christmas Eve? I can't really believe it. Sometimes I wish as I watch the Christmas movies that Santa was real, and even sometimes I wonder, why is it that in all those movies, there is a Santa Clause, but no one believes the little kid who goes around saying he's real? How can there be a Santa, but so many people don't believe in him? And of course the audience is thinking "Listen to your kid! The fat guy is real! Dammit!". I mean, what causes people to think he's not real in those movies? Is there a certain age where Santa can't bring you stuff anymore, so when that year comes that you don't get everything you wanted, you figure he's not real. I want to be as innocent as I was, where I had to buy three gifts, one for my mom, my dad and my sister, and where a big, guy broke into my house and left me crap I would play with once. This year I spent over $400, $400 I don't have. And I mean, I liked doing it, I like giving people nice things, it's not like a regret it. But I think the stress was put on me too early.
This has also been a humbling year for me. I have finally had the reality of my stance in the scheme of things sink in. I am aware of how greedy I am, but I also saw that a lot of the time, I am considerably selfless and a giving person. Of course, I still have my dreams or fantasies if you will, and I'm jealous about many things, I am certainly not with out my flaws. And I have my moments where I feel like I get the short end of the deal, but generally I restrain myself. This year I haven't complained so much, although sometimes there are the times I just want to vent for hours, and I feel sometimes like stuff isn't fair, but I have tried to look past it.
And finally, the last place of my personality that changed noticeably is my maturity. Obviously not on the outside, lol, I'm still silly and spontaneous, but more and more I find myself thinking about the consequences of my actions, as well as others'. I know I'm hypocritical a lot of the times, I believe that you should say what you feel, and my biggest regret would be not do that, but at the same time, I'm scared to do something like that. I donno.
Well, there you go. Merry Christmas everyone.
LE
