Wednesday, May 25, 2005
I don't think any of you can understand my current situation right now. I am scared beyond my mind. Most of you know why, but I don't believe you can relate or understand. I can never look behind me, I can never look a head of me. I can never be alone. I can not concentrate. All I think about is the worst. You may think you understand, because I have told you how scared I am, but you don't. It may seem like I'm overreacting to some of you, but you don't know what I am going through. You would be just as scared...
LE
Ellie spilt her mind at:
10:16 PM
Monday, May 23, 2005
My God. Today was the most insane, disturbing and stressful days I have ever had! I think I shall go in order from least important/disturbing/stressful/insane event to the most important/disturbing/stressful/insane event.
That would be school. Ya, I know kinda sounds like it should be near the top, or at least in the middle, but compared to the other stuff, it's really not. We have finals coming up. This sucks a lot, but the only ones we have are the science final, the social studies final, and the French final. I'm only worried about the social studies one because I don't know whats on it, and the Science one, but Mr. R gave us a study guide, so I think I can do ok, if I actually study. The French final, phiff, who cares. Seeing as most of her grades are all under 30 points anyway, It can't be that hard, or that long. Cuz if she puts out a word we don't know, she usually gives us the answer. XD It's pathetic. Speaking of tests though, Mrs. Rhodes entered my test 20 grade in wrong! So instead of having a D on the freaking thing, I have an A-- (%90) which will boost my grade a lot, not that I need it, next to band, it's my highest grade. Woot. There is one sucky thing about LA tho. I lost my copy of The Pearl. I don't know how, or where, because we had to take our stuff home, but I knew I should have taken one from her pile today, because I know where it is, when we had the sub. But for some reason, I didn't. And it's not like the sub would know that I wan't supposed to have one right? I mean, they are right by the baskets where we turn all of our stuff in.
Second biggest thing I can't really say, just cuz it's rude.
Third biggest thing.
THIS IS BY FAR THE WORST THING THAT HAPPENED TODAY! But sadly, I can't say what it is, because I am not even supposed to know. Thank God I did hear about it though! Ugh, to think what would happen if I didn't know about it! Man would I die. *shudders*
Well, g2g, bye!
LE
Someone is stalking me....
Ellie spilt her mind at:
5:05 PM
Sunday, May 22, 2005
I really should be in bed right now, because it is so late, but today was such an eventful day, I thought I was obligated to blog about it.
So to start off, I had to get up really early (like eight, and for the weekends, that is really early) because I thought I had to mow the lawn before we left. I waited for my dad to get up since he usually likes to be around when I mow just in case, and watched Cribs on MTV. Thank God I finally don't watch Nickelodiean any more, those shows scared me, but I just couldn't find a better channel. Now MTV is like my best friend on the TV, although I have yet to see a music video. Anyways, Dad got up and informed me that I didn't have time to mow. I was relieved, yet very irrked, because I had to get up so early. Grr. Oh well. Then I took a shower and got ready. By now I guess you are thinking "Got ready for what?". Well, that RMTS thing (the program that does the DU thing this summer, the "smart people summer school") had an awards cerimony, and I had to go. So we got ready, I fought with Hannah over who got to use the bathroom because we only have one (this is why I'm thinking I want only one kid when I get married, because you never ever have to listen to them fight! But I've always wanted three kids, always, so I don't know what I'm gonna do. But that's a long way off.) etc. Then we left to pick up ma grandmere. When we got there, we discovered that my Papa (or grandpa) was home, and he was supposed to be in Minissota I think, helping his brother move into an assisting living place. And my cousin Jo and his girlfriend Jill (I really hope they get married, they have been together forever, and Jill is so cool, I would love for her to be my cousin-inlaw...) were there. They had just gotten back from a trip too, but I'm not sure where they were. I think they could have been with my grandpa even, but I'm not sure. Then we left, and Jo and Jill headed home.
We got to DU and had to go into the gym. There were so many people there! God. I thought Eric Davis would be there because he did the RMTS thing by taking the SATs or the ACTs, I wouldn't know. But he wasn't, and the only person who I reconized was Brandon Skerta. Eww! But the cerimony took SOO long! My god, the speeches went on forever. Then I had to wait for all the little kids to get medals. Can you believe there were fifth graders who took the SATs, ACTs and the PLUS tests, all three, and some scored so high! My God, I was truly amazed. Anyway, then it was the 8th graders' turns, and when I finally got up there, they butchered my name horribly! My mom says she never even heard that variations before! I shall not repeat it because cirtian few people *coughtrevorcoughamycough* would make fun of it! XD So ya, we finally got thru, and I was talkin to this guy next to me, he was nice, but ehh, a little weird, lol. And to be weird in my book, you have to be really weird, XD, of course there is a level where you are weird to normal people, but not to me. So you just have to be a little weirder then me. Omg, listen to me, that was so stupid, I'm super tired if I got of on ramblings on how weired people are! Ya, so it was finally done, and we left.
We got to to the the Cheesecake Factory for lunchhhhh. It was yummy, but so filling! I mean, I thought "Hey, I'll just order a sandwich because usually cheesecake fills you up, and I want some, so a sandwich will be good." So I got a club sandwich, and God, it was huge! Four sandwiche slices that were really think and stuff, and a huge pile of fries! I barley was able to have cheesecake, but mostly because I got my regular food boxed, I had to get the cheesecake slice boxed too, I couldn't finish it. So if you haven't been there, you should go. It's kinda overrated, and be sure you go before five so you can get the lunch sizes, cuz otherwise you end up paying more, and not finishing! But it is very good.
After lunchhhh, we took my grandparents home, and I came back and watched TV for a while. Then I went upstairs to avoid mowing. I read some MegaTokyo, but I finally had to mow. It took a very long time, and at some point, it died, and I couldn't get the motor started, so I didn't quite finish. But hey, I'm not complaining! XD. After that, I watched more TV and then I had to do homework. I had so much I completly forgot about, and lucky we had to clean out our lockers, or I probably would have left a lot of the stuff at school! Infact, over half of it actually! But I have, and I did it. And the worst thing is, I did my SS current events thing on the smoking bans, and stuff, and I forgot we weren't supposed to do stuff with drugs or whatever, so I really hope she accepts it!
Ok, well, I am very very tired. I must sleep now, because my tummy is very tired. Ahh, that's a joke Jen Coe made at the base ball game, she meant to say my tummy is very hungry but she said the wrong word, lol.
LE
Ellie spilt her mind at:
11:15 PM
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Ok, I'm not mad at Gina anymore, I was just venting and I'm over that. She called like yesterday and we worked everything out. We're just going to forget that stupid argument on her blog. But I still hate Lauren and I have a right too...
Anywas, yeserday was my master, Angie's, B-day. And today was her party. I swear after today, I will never view Mills the same ever again. We had a scavenger hunt there and had to walk around to find clues all over that mall. I wore the worst, yet the coolest, shoes for this kind of event XD. We walked up and back, over and over. Mostly because one clue would be on this end, and then the next would be back at the other end. And the clues were pretty hard too, so we did a lot of aimless wandering. Amber and Laura, who were in the green group along with me and this girl June, hid one of the blue team's (also Angie's team) clues. We told them and helped them find it because Amber and Laura took a break and rested in the food court, and we (me and June) kinda got mad at that. Plus, hey, it was Angie's birthday. (you know what's strange? Angie's and her sister Cassy's birthdays are like I think a week or less apart, and June's birthday is one day before Angie's, hee hee) And our group was the only one with out a cell phone so we fell really far behind because we couldn't get help on clues like the other two teams. So about four hours we started, and when everyone was getting tired, we skipped about 8 clues (we had found one of the clues we needed, like number 11, when we were looking for six XP, so that helped us skip a bunch more) and went straight to the end. The sucky part was, was that when we were going to the finish line or whatever, we got stopped by this nail lady person at one of those stands, and the rules said we had to stop. Only one person had to do it, but they...they looked so cool that we all got our nails made all purrty like. So while we were getting them done, the other two teams passed us (we were ahead of everyone by about ten minutes or about two easy clues) and we got put in last place. We were really close to comming in second, but we didn't make it.
Anyway, after we finished the hunt...thing, we all went back to Angie's house for some food. The car ride was funny, we had all these weird conversations. However, I can not repeat them. At her house, we ate hot dogs and cake, and I got a cool head-dress thingy from June's present to Annngellaa. XD. Sadly, my dad came, and I hugged Angie good bye a lot, and then I left. And now all I am doing is talking to Amy and wished that some more of my friends would get on too.
LE
PS: I can sorta do that loon call thing, I am getting a lot better at it, lol. Well, not really, but I can do it.
PPS: Last night I watched Thumbtanic/Thumbwars because people were talking about it being so funny. They came on one DVD so ya. The Thumbtanic was like the best one. There was this one part that was uber funny where the old lady, her name was Geranium was about to tell her story to the reporter who came to her house, then she fell asleep and fell out of her chair. Then the reporter goes "Are, are you alright?" "Fine" "I'd like to help you up, but you kinda...smell like and old person." ROTFL. XD, ok, well, I'm done.
Ellie spilt her mind at:
9:40 PM
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Specail Bear:
I have a special teddy bear that my friend gave me. I love it and him dearly, and this little bear has changed a lot in my life. It's nothing too fancy, but it is very soft and cuddly, and that's what it does best, when I'm sad, I cuddle it, and it helps take the pain away. When I sleep, I hold it close to me, and it comforts me. You may say this is obsession, especially for a 14 year old, but this bear means so much to me. Here's why:
I can talk to it, and it listens. I hug it, and I can feel secure, because it's like a piece of my friend but it also stands for all of my friends. If I'm angry, I can throw it at the wall, and it doesn't protest, it bounces back into shape and awaits the next blow. It's like this bear almost is a piece of God to me. It stands for love, and I love it back. It only wants to help, and will do everything it can, yet it is just a stuffed toy. It's patient and willing, and basically, overall, the bear represents love.
Love is something most people want more then anything, some people know who they want love from, usually they already have it, while others just want it, they don't care who it is. I'm not sure where I am. I'm so confused about all of this. But after talking to Jared about it, I feel a lot better. I'm not so scared of my feelings any more, just confused. They still hurt quite frequently, but the bear helps make it better. I can remember old, fun, wonderful times, and I am happy. Then I bounce back into the present, and I'm confused and lost. I'm not saying I need a boyfriend or love or whatever right now. I can wait, and I will wait because it will make it all the more worthwhile. I have many friends, including the one who gave me this bear, who will catch me, metaphorically speaking, when I fall. But still, if I grow up, and have nothing, nothing at all, a horrible, dirty shack is where I live, I have very few clothes, not much food, but I have true love, my home will be a castle, my clothes plentiful, and I will always be full (cuz I'll eat from the Taco Bell Big Value Menue, lol, jk). It's so strong, love, it got me to where I am today, from the love of God, my parents and my friends, I can keep going. I know this post may sound totally corny, but think about it, could you survive knowing that your will would be twice as strong if you had somebody to love you forever by your side?
LE
Ellie spilt her mind at:
10:06 PM
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
I now have my retainers, and I freaking hate them! I can not talk normal, I swear I talk like I'm deaf. You know, like how the people who are deaf learn to talk, it sounds kinda funny (no offense at all to those who are deaf or who sound the way I do, XD). But like, I'm not sure they are doing any good. I mean, my teeth don't line up at all any more, and I'm worried they aren't fitted right, I donno, it just feels weird, and they kinda hurt. XP
Did any one watch American Idol tonight? It was pretty good, I hope that the blonde, her name suddenly just slipped my mind. I think it's something like Cassy. Any ways, I hope she wins, she has an awesome voice. But I'm sad because I didn't get to see the last Gilmore Girls episode. But that's ok, I'll stick to the ones on ABC Family. They are still fun to watch.
Let's see...ooh, I just got this email from Mr. Nixon! He seemed kinda offended tho, I guess he missed the sarcasm in my last email. Oops. Oh well, I donno what I can do about it. Tho I don't know how to reply to his email. Maybe I can say it got lost, and I wasn't sure if he had responded and change the subject completely so it can be forgotten. Or just change the subject. Lol, I donno.
Oh, Jared has me reading this not-so-official manga. It's called MegaTokyo. It has these people who are obesssed with games. I mean, their entire lives revolve around games. It's actually really pathetic. But I read it anyway, although it's uber long, and takes a while to read because I have to load every page after page after page. But whatever. But it has this really stupid guy named Largo (heh, his name means "slow" in Italian if you didn't know that) who just loves to get wasted. He's constantly wanting beer and is always complaining about how is buzz is going away. But these guys are stranded in Tokyo, and they are spending all their money on games and things and mooching off of their friend who lives there, and won't leave. It's a really strange plot, but at least it has one right?
Ok, well, it's getting kinda late (it always takes me forever to finish writing these things)
LE
Ellie spilt her mind at:
8:33 PM
Sunday, May 15, 2005
I have finally found the best song to put on here. It is sorta long, but I think it is so beautiful. It is one of the two songs that I want sung at my wedding whenever that may be. It makes me cry too. If you are pathetic and don't have much pop culture know-how, this song is titled You Raise Me Up. Here's a copy of the lyrics too so you can fall in love with it!
Verse 1
When I am down and oh, my soul’s so weary.When troubles come and my heart burdened be.Then I am still and wait here in the silenceuntil you come and sit a while with me.
Chorus
You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.I am strong when I am on your shoulders.You raise me up to more than I can be.
Verse 2
There is no life, no life without its hunger.Each restless heart beats so imperfectly.But when you come and I am filled with wonder,sometimes I think I glimpse eternity.
Chorus
You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.I am strong when I am on your shoulders.You raise me up to more than I can be.
Chorus Repeats 2X
There? Isn't that soooo pretty?? Well, I have to get back to my homework.
LE
Ellie spilt her mind at:
9:55 PM
Yes, it's very late. Amy is over here right now, and we have been making posters for most of the night. Well, I have been making posters, I'm done now though. They are ok, some of them are just retarded. And we have been "listening" to POTC. See, she was IMing Ben, so you couldn't really see the movie, so we listened to it instead.
Well, there isn't really much to say, this past week has been really boring. I have become very annoyed with people lately, and ya. Well, longer post laters, it's time for bed now ><
LE
Ellie spilt her mind at:
12:53 AM
Monday, May 09, 2005
Today, Mr. C made me very very irritated. First, this morning, when I walked into the band room, I asked him a question about my challenge with Amy, something about who goes first and whatever. I guess I included something like "in our challenge tomorrow" and he said "Tomorrow? No, it's today." I was shocked and was all "What?! You said it was tomorrow, even Haley thought it was on Tuesday" "Well I won't be here tomorrow". So I left, annoyed and very nervous. Then in class, he was kinda annoying again, I mean, when you yell at the band, you don't tell them "You're making my brain hurt when I have to tell you to be quiet all the time" I mean, common, no one is going to listen to you then, it sounds like your joking around. So ya, the baby-talk stuff, like asking us real nicely if you could please be quiet got on my nerves. Then when we played, I messed up, but not a lot, little blips here and there. And I mean, I am trying so hard not to sound like a sore loser (I lost by one point), I know, and you prolly all know Amy is better then me, hey she's been playing for about three years...I think, but I think that the way Cavalier does the challenges is a little unorganized...well, know, it's very organized, and that's what gets to me. I donno, I liked the looseness in Nixon's methoud a lot better, the pressure wasn't so great, and I mean, it was no big deal if you lost, you could challenge as many friggin times as you wanted too. With Cavalier, the way he set it up it's like "Ha! You lost, you're stuck there! Might as well stay sucky, there's no point in you trying to get better, you can't move up" But the point I'm trying to get at there is the last part. If you loose, people like the trumpets *hiss* for example, they aren't going to improve, that's the attitude that they will get most likely. If they can't keep trying, there's no reason for them to work at something to get better right? See with Nixon, people pushed themselves to get better and better because sooner or later, it would pay off and they would move up a chair. And then the band as a whole would get better because people were trying harder. That's why I don't like the organized way at all. I'm not upset that I lost. I was as first, but I now really don't care. Nothing changes except I get to talk to both Amy and Haley really easily. ^_^
Oh, speaking of Haley, I have a challenge with her on Friday (she had a challenge set up with whoever lost) and this really makes me mad. Not the challenge its self, but like the details and stuff. See, Cavalier put the challenge between Amy and I off for so long, now there is no time to do Haley's. So guess what he does? He keeps the same challenge that Amy and I had and is using it for Haley's. Well, even though I have the advantage, I think that's terribly unfair. Haley is my friend, and I would feel terrible if I won and it wasn't completly fair (don't get me wrong, I want to win really badly!). It's just he annoys me with the fact that he can be so organized, yet so compeletly unorganized and we have to like take the fall for it. If he cracked down on us at the start of the year, we would be sooooooo much better then we are, and we could pratice more. Instead he bribes us with saying "I'll let you have time to talk later" well, no one cares if they can talk later, they want to talk now. But he doesn't stop it. Nixon pratically murdered us if we didn't do what he said, and guess what! We didn't talk as much! *gasps* Immagine that... *rolls eyes and smiles* Ok, enough with my rambling on about challenges and what Cavalier does wrong.
I had a fluTE choir concert today. Hee, it was cool. Haley and I were giggling a lot, and it was just fun 'n all. The percussion people were fantastic! Their first song...thing was really loud because they had a CD that was playing with them, and it was turned way up, but it was so cool! They had black lights and this one guy had a white hat, so his head glowed XD. The whole thing lasted forever though. I was really ready to get out of there because there were these annoying people behind us the whole time. So when we did leave, we hadn't yet eaten dinner, so we went to Moose Hill Cantina. The seating hostes was all mad that we came, and like "I want to go home, you better eat fast" Lmao. The food was ok, but it was nice cuz I got to a. have an excuse to stay up late and b. put off my homework even more (oh! I forgot to mention that Leah came over today to work on our applehead dolls. They turned out pretty cool!). And now, I'm blogging. You're all "No ya think?!" XD Ok, well, I'll go, I have to sleep XP.
LE
Ellie spilt her mind at:
10:40 PM
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Ya, ya, I know I haven't posted in forever. But let's face it, no one reads this stupid thing anyway. And if they do, no one cares to post comments, so obviousley, no one really cares. Right now, my computer is making the most annoying noise ever! It keeps whirring, and I really wish it will go away. I saved my story to a CD, which means, that if my hard drive dies, I'll loose it, so basically, everytime I work on it, I have to email it to my self when I'm done so I don't loose it all, because you can only write on the CD once. *shrug* so I donno what to do. God, I just wish the noise would go away. And it started last night, so it's not like the thing is over heating, or anything. AAARG, it's so annoying!! Kicking it does nothing either XP
So anyway, I got my braces off!!!!!! :D Yay! They have moved a bunch though, and it sorta hurts. I get my retainers on Friday, and I have to have the getto metal ones. But but they are sparkely and stuff! I'm so glad they are gone. I couldn't stop like running my tounge over my teeth all day Thursday, lol. I also got balloons and a waterbottle full of candy and stuff, and they sang me a song. Rotfl, it was embarrasing.
Ooo, Friday was the social, dance thingy ma jigg. Lol. I got a pretty blue dress, even though the theme was black and white. o_O I made brownies to take to Ben's house, then spent quite a while getting ready, mostly because I was having problems with my dress, XD. Finally I left, and my mom drove me to school where I chatted a bit with Mitch before they let us inside. I met up with Amy and we greeted people before being told by Mrs. Melvin that we had to move downstairs. So by then, our whole group was there, and looked good, and we went downstairs and chatted with people. Mitch and the rest of the guys played DDR for a while, and I moved around talking to various people. Amy and I also moved back and forth between the gym (aka dance floor) and the student center. When we were on the dance floor, we did our drive dance and acted totally silly. But when the slow songs came on, I freaked and ran out. Well, at least for the first one. When it was playing, I ran into Leah, and informed her she could throw whipped cream pies at people. She got extreamly excited when she was informed it was Alan she could throw them at, lol. When the song ended, I returned to Amy and CO. and did the drive dance some more. And we did the Electric Slide. That was really fun. But for the last dance, there was another slow song. This time I didn't run out, but sometimes I wish I did, and at other times, I guess I'm glad I didn't. Leah and Angie were constantly trying to get me to dance with them, cuz no guy asked me to dance, but I really didn't feel like it, I'm not sure why, it just felt strange. Lindsey came over and informed me that her dance partner had run off, so she demanded that I dance with her lol, but she left a few seconds later to dance with Alex. So I just stood there, wanting to ask Him (you have to know who that is, cuz I'm not gonna say) to dance, but to scared to. I sort of got depressed after that, I was just waiting for someone to ask me to dance, but no one did, and I stayed there, just watching everyone, feeling lost and stupid. Eventually, I did leave, and collected myself again.
Then the dance was over, and I left for Ben's afterparty. I had to call Amy's mom to get directions because I had never been there, lol. My mom was thoughtfull, and brought me jeans to change into. ^_^. It was cool there, we snacked, and played Uno and Apples to Apples, and then DDR. I did a lot better then I have ever done before, yay! I can now get about a C on light mode, so I'm improving. I have been begging my mom to let me get it, but we have no system to play it on, and she will not buy one. Grrr. I want it so bad! Then I left, earlier then everyone else, like always, and when I got home, I got really upset for some reason. So I've kinda been upset ever since. It sucks.
Yesterday, our soccer team lost for the first time. It was pathetic, they had no subs, but we were so asleep. It made me so mad, the team wasn't as good as we were either. I think it was because Mickey wasn't there, she may be a ball hog sometimes, but at least she is really good. But she was at the state championship game for her highschool. After the game, we went to breakfast at LePeeps and then came home, and did nothing. Well, I fought with my dad when we went shopping for my mom, because I had no ideas as on what to get her. It was so annoying. After we got home, we watched Harry Potter (the first one) and it was cool. I haven't seen that one in a long time. When it was over, it was really strange, because when we took out the movie, the channel the regular TV was on was playing the second Harry Potter. Lol.
This morning, my dad woke me up super early, and I had to make breakfast for my mom. I wanted to sleep XP So ya, that was basically it, we made breakfast, she opened the gifts, ya da ya da ya da. Then around noon, we went to my aunt Maggie's house and had brunch. It was ok, though I wasn't very hungry. Well, I have homework to do. This post should keep you busy for a while, so I'm gonna go.
LE
Ellie spilt her mind at:
3:59 PM